Dealing with a DNF

So it's a week on from the Grim Reaper and my first DNF and I still haven't come to terms with it....

The saturday after the run I woke up very sad but comforted by the fact that plenty of others DNF'd aswell though I believe many due to injury. It's hard to describe the emotions of this week as I've honestly felt completely numb to anything. The past day in particular I have finally realised just how easy it would have been to carry on!

All I had to do was stand still, compose myself understand that the hallucinations weren't real and maybe when I saw the land rover asked them if they had any 9 bars on them as I'm sure a chat and some food would have sorted me out enough to continue but looking back now it's oh so easy to see what could have happened. After not having any proper sleep since Friday but lying awake and going over everything in my head I have come to many conclusions.

I shouldn't have rushed around back at the tent. I should have eaten alot more and I should have taken my mobile phone with me to call my mom as im sure she would have talked to me for the two hours it was likely to take me to finish. I also should have pushed myself past the barrier I was up against and came out smiling the other side.

I have nightmares with me being back in the race and wake up feeling very very low, have the feeling of not wanting to do anything, although I did go for a 3 mile run Tuesday which felt good but achey which was to be expected.

I'm sure I will feel better after the 27th August after finishing my 20 Mile Enigma Gold run and I suppose this experience has spurred me on to not get a DNF again.

I have already entered another Ultra Marathon next year which is 58 miles but I know if the dates do not clash I will be going back to face the Grim and complete the 40 that has taken so much out of me!